in the end it is only what we do that counts

OMG what is this?

2010-08-27T13:17:00.000-07:00

can you see this? it is sort of like text... on my blog... and it isn't ahalusination I swear I'm actually updateing why? be cause a lot of things are happening in my life and I'm quite exited to say that it seems bright for my authoric future. I want to take a moment to say THANK YOU to all my friends, family and echelonians. I love you all!

this time of year I collect material for my work, mainly by long midnight walks and siting in random places taking notes and photos collecting in preparation of the year that is aproaching. I'm taking ATLEAST 3 writing classes this fall so we'll see I'll be busy busy that is for sure

Take care all

who knows what this means? 6277

in my ears

the best version of this song ever!

eyes

2010-05-10T00:38:00.001-07:00

Thor

2010-05-10T00:32:00.000-07:00

I promised to up pics of the horse I have half of, Thor. so here is a couple of pics.

Brev till någon

2010-05-10T00:20:00.000-07:00

Kära Någon
om du läser det här vet du vem du är, och det finns en del saker jag är för artig för att säga till dig personligen.
NEJ! det bara blev inte så. om man helt struntar i allt vad säkerhet hetter så har man gjort FEL och det bara blev så oops är inte en godtagbar ursäkt.
NEJ olydiga djur är inte alfa djur bara för att det är en lätt förklaring, faktum är att jag VET att dina djur inte är alfa, om de vore de varför lägger de sig och låter vem som helst ta ledarskapet du har missat att ta?
NEJ det finns inga magiska lösningar, man måste ibland se sanningen i vitögat och ro fan i land om han har stigit ombord.
Jag tycker inte synd om dig för ditt trasiga liv, för det är du som vuxen mäniska och förälder som har dragit på dig de flesta av dina bekymmer, jag tycker synd om dina barn som inte har något val annat än att hänga på, dina djur som inte har någon talan, din häst som du inte ser fast hon står brevid dig.
Mitt råd till dig är att öppna ögonen och se vad som finns här och nu, inte vad som kommer finnas sen i någon luddig framtid.
En karl är ingen lösning på problemen, du måste fixa själv
Att flytta kommer inte att fixa allt som är jobbigt snarrare tvärt om.
Jag hoppas att du kommer få ett bra liv på nästa plats, för dina barn och djurs skull.

Cairdeas go síorai

2010-04-27T16:05:00.000-07:00

going to the dentist in a few hours and with that i'm dead tired.... i just wanted to post something and maybe make you ask yourelf where you stand. I have viewed myself as bi for about 14 years which is a long as time in the start i didn't have a term for it, i didn't know one was needed really, lately i have come to realise that that is stupid, for me the outer shell is so unimportant it isn't even funny, I mean I don't care if my 'one' is a man or a woman or short or tall or whatever cause adaptation is key and isnt it more important to love the inside than the outside? Somepeople have asked me about ho I 'came out' truth is i haven't i mean i haven't made the big statement and had the show and tell with my folks, and why should i? I dobt my family want to know anything ´more about my sexlife than i want of theirs, so when I find a longterm partner I will introduce them as such but I feel that it won't matter much anyway cause in the end my parents isn't in my relationships, I am. that said though, I adore my family I have said so manytimes, and i'm planing to get a tatoo that celebrates them, a little cluster of 7 stars one for each of my siblings and parents. i have long since wanted one that celebrates my other family, people I love dearly and would die and live for all of them, here you can really see that to me things are different i don't have the same code as the rest of you when it comes to the value of humans it seems, not for lovers or friends.anyway I have started to design it, and since it seems like it will take 7 aditional years or so to get the finances straigtened up, it will be irish themed a knotwork, cladagh and it will say Cairdeas go síorai.
now what is most important to ou what your heart says or what you think you see?
in my ears
Hurricane

mötet på tågstationen

2010-04-21T15:32:00.000-07:00

Klappret av skor och ljudet av hundratals människor som talar fyllde den långa hllen. Vart man än såg fanns där människor som tog farväl av varandra, barn som vinkade och par som tårögt kysste varandra adjö. En kvinnoröst ropade hela tiden ut förseningar på tåg i en rad olika språk. Mitt i detta kaos av känslor satt en ensam svartklädd kille, i ena handen höll han en liten MP3 spelare och i den andra en långstjälkad röd ros. Med några sekunders mellanrum tittade han upp och såg sig om, hans blick letade längs bänkarna men hittade inte den han sökte. Det dröjde flera minuter passerade, en grov gummisula slog i golvet i samma rytm som rocklåten i som spelade i öronsnäckorna. Då kom helt oförberett ett par okända armar och lade sig runt hans hals, han flög på fötter och vände sig om, därr stod en tjej i svart och vitprickig klänning gröna leggins och grönt hår. hon log mot honom och deras ögon strålade när hon kastade sig i hans famn och de kramades för allra första gången.

möte i en hiss

2010-04-21T09:26:00.000-07:00

De mörkt vinröda dörrarna gled sakta igen och just som de skulle slå igen stacks en välmanikerad hand in i springan, dörren gled upp med ett lätt surrande och allt eftersom avslöjades en smal arm med ett antal armband och sedan en ung kvinna i blåjeans och en lejongul halterneck tunika . När mina ögon mötte hennes nästan dog jag, av alla jag kunde ha sprungit in i på ett hotell stod här Miley Cyrus. Halsen snörde ihop sig och orden fastnade i bröstet medan hissen sakta åkte neråt. Den glada trudelutten som som spelats i hissen på heltid gjorde att min puls skenade och jag kände hur svetten samlades i mina handflator. "Hej jag heter Marie." "Hej jag är ditt största fan." "Hej vad gör du i den här stan?" hälsningsfraserna strömade genom hjärnan men inget kom fram, det här var ju den stora idolen, tjejen jag såg på TV varje dag och under de senaste månaderna hade jag lärt mig alla hennes låtar. Mamma säger jämt att jag tillber henne som något sorts gud. Just som hissen stannade på entréplan härdes ett utdraget prrft genom hissen, sångerskan tittade ner i mattan, rodnade lätt och lämnade hissen så fort hon bara kunde. Hon lämnade en lätt odör efter sig och ig med tefatsstora ögon då jag insåg att min idol bara var mänsklig.

Info and stuff

2010-04-19T16:31:00.000-07:00

As my international readers might see I have posted in swedish, this will happen a lot in the future I hope as I am writting challanges posted on a writterscoaches blogg, with some hope it might enhance my litterary skills, if not then it is a nice past time, don't be affraid I will keep posting in english just for you guys, but trust me it wont be anymore regular than before.
lots of love to all of you, stay strong and keep your spirits up, no matter what keep your heart true and pursue your dreams.
in my ears
Blasphemy

SkrivPuff Rosa

2010-04-19T16:17:00.000-07:00

Hon såg ingenting, inte hans genomträngande klarblå ögon, hans tjocka rågblonda hår, den vältränade kroppen som vittnade om hans passion för simning. Allt hon såg var den randiga skjortan, den rosa randiga skjortan. Hon såg en känslig man som grät öppet när Titanic sjunker och historien inte får ett lyckligt slut, hon såg en kille som fortfarande älskade sin mamma och sa det till henne. Hennes ögon förmedlade en dansbands fantast i gabardinbyxor och nylonkavaj, en man som beställer paraplydrinkar när han går ut med grabbgänget trotts att de andra dricker öl eller whiskey. Den man hon kunde se gick genom parken en kall vinterdag men den han höll i handen var inte henne utan en annan ansiktslös man. Det nästan oskuldsfulla leendet som spelade på hans läppar fick henne att fatta ettbeslut. Hon log lite och lutade sig fram, hon fick tala rätt högt för att han skulle höra henne över den rytmiskt dunkande bassen.
- Nej tack, Kanske en annan gång.
Han ryckte på axlarna och lämnade henne stående vid det höga mingelbordet, Han gick genom folkhopen som rytmiskt dansade till musiken. När han försvunnit utom synhåll visste hon inte villken framtid hon just nobbat, då hon inte kunde se förbi sina egna fördomar. Om de nu var fördomar

a thousand to one and a million to two

2010-03-23T10:01:00.000-07:00

I'm at writtersgroup again, as allways it is great fun here they are probably one of the few groups of people that I can relate to here in town. I'm strugling with keeping focus of what I writte so if someone want to keep track of me and help me keep in check please do

in my ears

Vox populi

the wicked twists of life and what i think about them

2010-03-22T12:53:00.001-07:00

so yes I know how long it is since I blogged, but I am now aren't I? since last I have finished up Firecharmer and it is now being read by a couple of fucking brilliant persons so I hope to finish it before summer.

I have turned the respectable age of 23 and recived the single best pressent so far, a tripp to see 30STM from Anna who is now a UK recident. I wish her the best of luck, she will be one of the most important people in my life even if she moves to the moon and I never see her again so the UK isn't that far away....

The 30STM show was brilliant I was hyped on adrenaline for hours after and it is to date one of the best things I've done.

I have recently gotten half a horse and a million of books, and i'm seriously considering going back to uni as a litterature major.

on a lot sader note I found out on my birthday that my aunt has a brain tumor, they think it will be alright but we really don't know anything yet, that is a illness i really don't trust. She'll be in my thoughts for a long while ahead.

About the horse, his name is Thor and he is black and gorgeous i'll try to get a pic to share with you guys ASAP.

i'm feeling more centered than before and it is like i have a confidence to i didn't have before I also have more Ideas before and i suspect you all will hear from Goxes, Hashuri and Mansei soon among others since they are major players in one of my projects, an other project is on a boat and i'm writting a little on it each day.

Love hard stay safe and take these words with you

"The less you bet the more you lose when you win"

in my ears

heart on my sleeve

life and death to young for it all

2010-01-02T17:23:00.000-08:00

so as i was drawing it struck me, there is so many that gets robbed of their lives. Some by brute force where noone could have seen it comming. One of them is Matthew Sheppard. He was murdered for his sexuallity.

others die in freak acidents like Brandon lee that was shot at the set of the first crow movie.

there is active suicide like that of Jonathan Brandis a young man that could have come a long way.

or not as active suicide by various adictions one of those men are Glenn Quinn.

I admired all these men but for different reasons. some died before I really knew much about them others while I was aware. It hurts my soul to see young lives shut down like that but it makes me resolute as well it makes me want to succed and reach my dreams, so that somehow they have achived that by their death, they inspired someone to a great length. I would Love to talk to them especially Jonathan and Glenn that died by their own hand, I wish I had been a friend of theirs so that i cold atleast know I did what I could. I hope I wont have to bury any friends, but if I will have to I hope I have done all I can for them, sometimes there is just nothing that really helps, I just hope that wont happen anytime soon.

with this said, remeber this I LOVE YOU and that nothing is trivial, everything matters no matter how small, and each second could be the last so make sure you are happy with how you lived it.

in my ears
Lyke Walk dirge

first day of the year

2010-01-01T04:43:00.001-08:00

Hi all
i was gonna post this blogg about the past decade but since blogger goes dead when i try leave me a line i'll give it to you.

how did you start your new year? I lived by my thought to live for the moment and jumped off a roof. Yes, I mean that. I shoveled snow off of Annas houses roof and after I jumped it was funny and I hae no regrets. don't need any. Now after shovling snow for hours we're heading for the sauna and then we're watching tv or a movie just relaxing. probably talk to some people cause you know it is fun. I'm drawing some charcoals too :D

got any resolutions this year? mine is normaly to not have any, but this year I wove to live full out everyday!

it is 10 years since we celebrated the start this millenium do you still remember what you did then?

I've fixed the comment malfuncion so feel free to drop a note

in my ears
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bx5dCD90vB8

soon it has ended

2009-12-30T13:30:00.001-08:00

the year ends in about 25.5 hours and since we are getting a new start with the new year here is some tips to keep the earth a happier place

use less toiletpaper. silly but true it will save trees and make it harder to clogg up the damn thing

take a long walk everyday this will make your body get the oxygen you need, make you have more energy and if you combine it with running your erands you will save us the carbit you're driving.

eat green! more veggies will not only make you feel better but it will also make there be a bigger sortiment and you will find more favorites. this doesn't mean ekological only or become a vegetarian, just use your head, you know what is good for you. most of the dishes you know and love you can make with less protein and make it taste the same or better.

plan ahead. this will make you stress less and have more time for the things you really like.

read the newspaper online, again it saves the trees

donate money to some charity this will help the world and you will feel great about dong something about the problems, not just being a part of them.

seize the day. enjoy the time you are here precious little things enjoy them, wou will never know when it all ends.

make only one resolution, and make it a good one, don't the old lose weight or stop smoking thing make it one about experience even if it is to dare to go on a rollercoaster for the first time do that, see a consert, go shoping, ditch class something that you will look back and be happy you did.

ALL NEW ME!!!

2009-12-20T05:07:00.001-08:00

my hair is now remade as you can see, after the odd 6 hours in a hairdresers chair... I've looked kinda funny during the process got some shots of that too, there will be two bloggs up this year that i am sure of, one for christmas and a special at new years eve about the past decade.

For the moment i'm doing the dishes (the dishwasher is) and my brothers have gotten this years christmas tree. beside that I draw, I'll give you an example at a later blog, might do one with just stuff i doodled down. If you have a pic of someone that is pretty I'd love to get a link for it as i'm going a thousand and one charcoal pictures.

My middle brother offered me an intresting insight today one of my pics sucks majorly, and i was being frustrated over it, then he asks me "have you thought of that you might not be done with it yet? so I might work it some more, if it gets over worked it wont matter anny way.

So til then HAPPY 4th ADVENT! take care and make sure you have a nice hollieday.

In my ears http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62vycv57ORw (song starts a good 30-40 secs in)

matters of the heart and soul

2009-12-18T15:57:00.000-08:00

Today I found out a few things i didn't want to find out and I have tried not to think of for a long while

1 My uncle almost died, I don't have the details yet but aparently it was a workrelated accident. He is still among us and i am happy for that, I really am. I am extreemly proud of my family, I want you all to know this, no matter what they have done of their lives or will do of them I bellive it will be for the right reasons, or atleast the right reasons to them. I wont say I allways agree with them, cause I honestly don't but that doesn't matter. As long as they can say they did what they bellive in, and know when to say they were wrong they live up to my praise. I want this said in light of what happened today, I want them all to know that I am proud, imensly so, and that I love them, for who they are.

2 I could so easily fall for this dear friend of mine, and I mean easily. I adore her as my friend she is really cool, and she gets where I come from most of the time, she is fuckin
gorgeous and she doesn't know it. I love her as my friend and I feel that I can trust her. you see all the good things here? bad things? well she lives in an other freaking country, I haven't really meet her and did I mention she is straight? Big valid bad things, still my heart wants me to let it go and I'm so scared i'll give in one day and that my heart will get broken. I don't want that I want her to be my friend, I want no I need her to talk to her, I email her when i'm not on msn.

I miss her when i haven't talked to her in a while... you can tell by the sound of this how close it is.... so what sould I do? i dunno... cutie tell me what you think?

on a lighter note let me tell you the story about the bight orange hair of mine, my hairdresser messed up so my hair is a mess, and i need to go back tomorrow and fix it, but I do have a pic the light is off so you can't rally see how bad it was but it is still pretty neat

I also have done my christmassly duty and made gingerbreads! Christmas is comming and i think we'll be done in time

In my ears http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5HA-QFLJzg

oooooooo lookielooo

2009-12-11T12:15:00.000-08:00

So i'm currently in the process of finishing up a book and a colection of poetry, the later is in dire need of ilustarions i'm working on that.... i'm also working fullstop, and taking german classes in school, and making christmas at mums... her husband is in a cast gain and wont work for month, i hope i survive christmas cause i'm seriously not looking forward to be there when he gets cranky... although mum says she'll kick him out if he wont behave himself towards all of us kids, thankfully i'm among that else i'd be screwed for real....

nothing much is going on elseways, my fridge defrosted itself even though it can't i freaked out but it solved it self.

GO BUY "THIS IS WAR"!!!!!! I'm on it and it is a GREAT record really the best of the year, and with those that got out this year that i love that says a lot, i'm really proud to be a part of it.

in my ears

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ka9LVev40ME

on the run

2009-11-02T08:44:00.000-08:00

have started a new blogg about writting, it is in swedish but all tips is awailable in english as well so let me know if you want me to start posting in both! else go check it out
http://cricketpoor-writingtips.blogspot.com
in is not the complete truth but i think it will be fun

just a update

2009-09-22T12:08:00.000-07:00

so i'm just updating now, short and sweet, i'm in a movie project by Teaterföreningen Bröt, so i don't have a lot of free time but with the free time i have i'm going to stockholm to see cb in 16 days. i'm staying at my friend thers place it will be a lot of fun i'm sure :D it usually is.

side note for all that care

BKs new hair

I personally like it tell me what you think and while you're at it go see the vid for automatic and tell me what you think of that.

In my ears

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRtUkAcoJaA&feature=player_embedded

it is funny as h**l

boat

2009-09-12T12:00:00.000-07:00

been out on the boat today it has been awsome, but now i'm kinda tired :) been walking a lot i used my stepcounter and i've taken 4668 steps after 1420 today.... tomorrow i'm talking a walk of 10000 steps and end it in a pool.... :D unless i feel awful, i better not
i don't know what else to say.... i've been sick for a while now but it is getting better...

in my ears
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReDbz5ZTO08
the song starts at 1.50

horses photossesh pizza and anna

2009-09-05T14:53:00.000-07:00

so today Loppan was sold, she is getting a new home that is good she will be a mom :) and i'm happy for her
I and Anna had a photosession today amongst things i climbed up on a logg in the river in a dress, so far the pics look amazing but i'll know more when anna has 'shoped them and sent them to me :)
todays dinner on popular demand PIZZA!!!! it was nummy now the question is what to do with the rest of it....
Anna is here this weekend poor her and i got like the worst cold so far this year i am taking coughing medecin and painkillers... we're having fun though and the word of the day is.... *drumroll* Boobies!!!!!!!!

"everything is alright with enough vodka"

find the quote! guess the movie!

pics will be up later

new and improved?

2009-08-24T11:30:00.000-07:00

so i suppose i'm new and improved i got my economy under controll, i work soooooooo much i'm sad that i can't ride Loppan but i think it is for the best... so further i am gonna see cb and i really wanna see greenday but i don't think i can afford it.... anyway Tazotz told me i am pretty so thanks to her here is me!!!!

so what do you think??? i'm gonna improve the color though.... make the tips black...

in my ears right now is this great song listen to the lyrics even if it is not your style

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BZbpcY_pYg

what ever

2009-08-12T14:50:00.000-07:00

i dunno if anyone will read this... i'm not sure it matters, really... i feel horrible rightnow i wish i could cry, but i can't... my insides are choking me, in the emotional sense of the word. i'm just so tired of everything... i constantly worry about my friends it is even worse over those i call family my body hurt everywhere and i'm gaining weight and i have to work, study the stable, my apartment, my cats... i feel like dying could be a good option... but it isn't and i'm still optionless so i chose to share it with the world... but right now... i can't sleep but i'm dead tired, and i wish above all else to have someone to hold me let me sleep in their arms and kiss my tears away.... i wish i could cry... i think i'm gonna have another emotional breakdown, second in less than a week... help me? save me? love me? i don't know but please please make this go away...

wet wet wet

2009-08-12T08:35:00.000-07:00

it has been raining now pretty much nonstop since last night. i love it the air is clear and it isn't a thousand degrees outside so i can air out the apartment geting some cool air in...

here autum has arriwed it is dark at night so this is the view from my window

i also cleaned out the apartment but there wasn't a lot to clean.... i ate lunch at my fav caffe in town, it is pretty both inside and out, just wish they would serve homemeade icetea cause then it would be damn near perfect :)

begingin of the end or the beginging of someting new?

2009-08-10T01:30:00.000-07:00

so i'm currently typing up some schoolwork an needed a break, in my weird mind this one question pops out like a firehydrant on crack is change really the begining of the end or the beginging of someting new?
i firmly bellive that change is the only thing constant in life, so i see it as something we should aprove of atleast a little:)
so for those that hate where they've gotten to i can only ask why? how did you end up there? what changed? find it and change it back, but know this,nothing will ever be as it was, and every change is part of making you into the person you are menat to be. so be stick in there maybe the new school, job or what ever is worth a chance, maybe your new bf/gf just needs a little time to open up maybe you and your friend needs some time to get to that common ground again. i don't know, but what ido know is that sometimes you need to listen to reason, and it will suck, sometimes you will hate the person that carries the truth because it will hurt too much to see it that way. suck it up, deal with the pain, you can't live in a box forever nor can you protect the world by your self.
if you are fashionable you wont eat meat, see tv or use the comp, so then you will never read this cause you're saving the planet from heating up, FUCK that. i say eat whatever, the animals didn't suffer to end up on your plate 95% of the time, and watch tv and/or use the comp but do so with moderation, problem is solved. and congrats on reading this far:)

that is all really think about it and it will make sense

in my ears
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noKfoHWTn1M

affer the weekend

2009-08-09T10:11:00.000-07:00

so it is now after the weekend, it was actually ok, my dad was nicer than normal and i didn't get to bullied. my cool cousin was there, she is kinda emo now adays but what ever, i don't judge a book by the cover neither do i judge her by the black. she has good taste and is cool, although she is a lot younger than me and we really don't have the same experiences. i'm sad to say that her father has had a lot of succes in his life, mostly in the ways my own father has failed, it is delightful to see that family, but this makes the flaws in my own vedry obvious. ofcourse nothing is rose red though i mean duh... then the family of my stepmother brother makes our own flaws seem smal at times, so yeah. the crowd that gathered for the anuall crayfishing party was the usuall or rather a part of the usuall.... however it was a good night, and we had a lot of fun, i was drunk yes, then i allways am. i got to talk to anna and FUCK i miss her, i'm gonna kidnap her!!!!
so love you all...

in my ears

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdJDP0MzW9U&feature=player_embedded

Music

2009-08-04T04:16:00.000-07:00

so lets talk about music. in the end music is essential to make me tick, a different bass beat will make me move differently, a cerain riff of a guitar will arch my back, a set of drums will change my thinking.. i like all music really pop, hipop, punk, classic, but i listen mostly to rock and alternative rock. i have a smaller issue with jazz as it can sometimes be to much to keep track of... that said i don't have a fav band but i like loads, rec me something you like and i will listen and enjoy :)

sadness

2009-08-01T09:43:00.000-07:00

someone wanna borrow me 10 000? i need to buy a horse i think... i'm geting sad just thinking about it but they ar gonna sell Loppan i don't think i'll be here anymore if they do... cause the reasons to why is bullshit and not knowing stuff... can i cry?

hi and welcome

2009-07-30T09:20:00.000-07:00

so i say hi to you all, this is my first blog here, so i suppose i should give you all some basic stats, so here they are, remember if you ever wanna know something about me just ask and i'll tell you i'm a girl, i'm 22 (born 87) i live in sweden so yes i do ocationally blog in swedish too my real name is malin but i'm called cricket, dragon, loads of things so take your pick, i'm short and a red head i love music, and when i gain the money i'm gonna open a recordstore/ music caffee until then i work baking bread and i study marketing fulltime. my current fav movie is SWAT but that changes every other week.

i've been asked about 6 times the last two days for the way to different places around town, means only one things, town is full of tourists, which is unusual

in my ears: from yesterday by 30stm http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxNAVq2qYmU