new and improved?

so i suppose i'm new and improved i got my economy under controll, i work soooooooo much i'm sad that i can't ride Loppan but i think it is for the best... so further i am gonna see cb and i really wanna see greenday but i don't think i can afford it.... anyway Tazotz told me i am pretty so thanks to her here is me!!!!

so what do you think??? i'm gonna improve the color though.... make the tips black...

in my ears right now is this great song listen to the lyrics even if it is not your style

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BZbpcY_pYg

what ever

i dunno if anyone will read this... i'm not sure it matters, really... i feel horrible rightnow i wish i could cry, but i can't... my insides are choking me, in the emotional sense of the word. i'm just so tired of everything... i constantly worry about my friends it is even worse over those i call family my body hurt everywhere and i'm gaining weight and i have to work, study the stable, my apartment, my cats... i feel like dying could be a good option... but it isn't and i'm still optionless so i chose to share it with the world... but right now... i can't sleep but i'm dead tired, and i wish above all else to have someone to hold me let me sleep in their arms and kiss my tears away.... i wish i could cry... i think i'm gonna have another emotional breakdown, second in less than a week... help me? save me? love me? i don't know but please please make this go away...

wet wet wet

it has been raining now pretty much nonstop since last night. i love it the air is clear and it isn't a thousand degrees outside so i can air out the apartment geting some cool air in...

here autum has arriwed it is dark at night so this is the view from my window

i also cleaned out the apartment but there wasn't a lot to clean.... i ate lunch at my fav caffe in town, it is pretty both inside and out, just wish they would serve homemeade icetea cause then it would be damn near perfect :)

begingin of the end or the beginging of someting new?

so i'm currently typing up some schoolwork an needed a break, in my weird mind this one question pops out like a firehydrant on crack is change really the begining of the end or the beginging of someting new?
i firmly bellive that change is the only thing constant in life, so i see it as something we should aprove of atleast a little:)
so for those that hate where they've gotten to i can only ask why? how did you end up there? what changed? find it and change it back, but know this,nothing will ever be as it was, and every change is part of making you into the person you are menat to be. so be stick in there maybe the new school, job or what ever is worth a chance, maybe your new bf/gf just needs a little time to open up maybe you and your friend needs some time to get to that common ground again. i don't know, but what ido know is that sometimes you need to listen to reason, and it will suck, sometimes you will hate the person that carries the truth because it will hurt too much to see it that way. suck it up, deal with the pain, you can't live in a box forever nor can you protect the world by your self.
if you are fashionable you wont eat meat, see tv or use the comp, so then you will never read this cause you're saving the planet from heating up, FUCK that. i say eat whatever, the animals didn't suffer to end up on your plate 95% of the time, and watch tv and/or use the comp but do so with moderation, problem is solved. and congrats on reading this far:)

that is all really think about it and it will make sense

in my ears
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noKfoHWTn1M

affer the weekend

so it is now after the weekend, it was actually ok, my dad was nicer than normal and i didn't get to bullied. my cool cousin was there, she is kinda emo now adays but what ever, i don't judge a book by the cover neither do i judge her by the black. she has good taste and is cool, although she is a lot younger than me and we really don't have the same experiences. i'm sad to say that her father has had a lot of succes in his life, mostly in the ways my own father has failed, it is delightful to see that family, but this makes the flaws in my own vedry obvious. ofcourse nothing is rose red though i mean duh... then the family of my stepmother brother makes our own flaws seem smal at times, so yeah. the crowd that gathered for the anuall crayfishing party was the usuall or rather a part of the usuall.... however it was a good night, and we had a lot of fun, i was drunk yes, then i allways am. i got to talk to anna and FUCK i miss her, i'm gonna kidnap her!!!!
so love you all...

in my ears

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdJDP0MzW9U&feature=player_embedded

Music

so lets talk about music. in the end music is essential to make me tick, a different bass beat will make me move differently, a cerain riff of a guitar will arch my back, a set of drums will change my thinking.. i like all music really pop, hipop, punk, classic, but i listen mostly to rock and alternative rock. i have a smaller issue with jazz as it can sometimes be to much to keep track of... that said i don't have a fav band but i like loads, rec me something you like and i will listen and enjoy :)

sadness

someone wanna borrow me 10 000? i need to buy a horse i think... i'm geting sad just thinking about it but they ar gonna sell Loppan i don't think i'll be here anymore if they do... cause the reasons to why is bullshit and not knowing stuff... can i cry?